


this can't be the end of the line

by stuckyinlove



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: AU, First Kiss, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Sad Ending, Stucky - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-03
Updated: 2015-08-03
Packaged: 2018-04-12 20:38:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4493919
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stuckyinlove/pseuds/stuckyinlove
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Don't win the war 'til I get there!" Steve shouted as he watched his friend leave. He felt his heart drop in his chest.</p><p>Instead going with Bucky, he went home. He dropped himself on the bed and focused on pain he felt in his chest. He wished it was pneumonia or something, he wished it wasn't the devastating feeling of absolute helplessness that rushed through his weak body.</p><p> </p><p>One where Steve doesn't take serum and Bucky wins war without him and becomes a doctor.</p>
            </blockquote>





	this can't be the end of the line

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first stucky fanfic and i wrote it in one night sorry
> 
> I hope you like it
> 
> i plan on writing more fanfics so tell me what you think about this one, i appreciate it
> 
> also english is not my first language so if i have some grammar mistakes, feel free to correct me
> 
> thanks

"Don't win the war 'til I get there!" Steve shouted as he watched his friend leave. He felt his heart drop in his chest. 

He couldn't stop hating himself for not telling Bucky. Although Bucky knew, Steve wanted to tell his best friend they way he felt about him.  
Steve has always looked up at Bucky. He didn't want to get beat-up and sick all the time. He wanted to fight the way Bucky does. He wanted to go on battlefields in Europe and help his country. He wanted to be something more than this. He wanted to do something that matters.

Instead going with Bucky, he went home. He dropped himself on the bed and focused on pain he felt in his chest. He wished it was pneumonia or something, he wished it wasn't the devastating feeling of absolute helplessness that rushed through his weak body.

While Bucky was gone, Steve received few letters from Bucky, but Bucky never really wrote about the war. He wrote about all the fun him and Steve are going to have when he gets back and all the fun they had had before that dumb war. He made so many plans for them that after those years they have spent apart, Steve knew his friend wasn't fine. No one makes so many freaking plans about eating pizza or attending science festivals when they are okay.

Everytime Bucky enthusiasticly planned in his long and messy letters, Steve's heartbeat would fasten and he'd believe those words.

Steve wrote too. It was all happy-thoughts and i-miss-you letters.  
But Steve never mentioned how he got sicker by day. He hoped he'd get better by the day his friend got back.

And then, one September morning Steve received the letter from his friend saying he will be back soon. Steve knew that the war was over but he wasn't sure if his friend would come back home. 

All he could do all day was read that letter over again and each time he felt happier and happier.

His eyes were travelling through the words Bucky has written and his hands started shaking. He felt weak again but it didn't matter. Nothing mattered except for this.  
Steve remembered the night Bucky and him had gone separate ways and he remembered the feeling in his chest.

He felt the pain again, but this pain was different. This pain was because he got suddenly very happy and excited. That's one of those feeling that you get very rarely and later, when you wish for it again and you do everything the same, you just get dissapointed because you won't get that happy again anytime soon.

The letter was finished with "By the time you get this letter, I'll probably be home. Can't wait to see you pal. I have big news."

And there was knock on the old wooden door.

Steve rushed to the door, pushing himself off of the couch and fixing his shirt. He already know who it was. He knew Bucky by his heart and that must've been him.

Steve Rogers opened the door and before he could look up, he knocked down the photo on the fall beside him. Hearing a chuckle, his head rose up and he smiled really wide when his eyes met Bucky's blue and teary eyes. He had his uniform and before Steve could even react, his friend pulled him in a tight hug. 

Steve put his arms around his taller and larger friend who was smelling by sweat and cologne. Although Steve couldn't fully embrace Bucky, he still tried.

They pulled apart, both grinning at each other.

"You're back." Steve stated.

"Hell I am." Bucky moved forward, scratching Steve's tiny shoulder with his own and entered small apartment.

By the way Bucky looked, Steve knew this is first place he came after he got back. He didn't change clothes, he hasn't washed nor eaten, as his stomach was making weird noises, and he looked tired.

That astonished him. Bucky had family, siblings, home. And the first thing he came to was Steve.

"I have only some beer and yesterday soup, pal." Steve felt embarrassed he didn't have more to offer his friend.

Bucky put his hands in the air saying he'll be fine. They just looked at each other.

-

"I'm glad you're back, Buck. I missed you so much." Steve was saying while Bucky ate. He sat across him and just watched his friend eat. "I thought about you a lot. You know, I tried enlisting few more times, but I ended up in hospital so was stopped." Steve regretted saying this, as he saw hia friend tensed up. So he continued 

"I'm glad you didn't listen to me. Ya know, won the war without me and all. I wish I could've saw the battlefields and soliders, but this is maybe ok. I don't know, Buck. We will have the best time now you're back." Bucky didn't stop eating the whole time, but Steve knew he listened by the facial expressions he made and the way his shoulders moved. 

Bucky finished eating, and glanced up at Steve. "I love you, punk." It just slipped off of Bucky's lips and he compassionately looked at Steve. 

"Yeah, I love you too, friend." Steve smiled. He knew. But still hearing it was nice.

"No, I don't mean that kind of I love you, Steve." Bucky's face was tense. He was - afarid?

"What do you mean?" Steve laughed. He was in love with Bucky ever since he could remember but still, he never though Bucky would feel something like that. For God's sake, they were men. They can't.

"I mean I love you, Steve. And I want to make sure you know that before I leave." Bucky licked his bottom lip. "Cause I'm going to become a doctor. I always loved science, war is over and I have a chance. And I love you, Steve. I don't want to leave you. I will come back." 

Steve looked down. So this wasn't I'm-in-love-with-you speech. This was goddbye speech.

Steve's heart squized and fell in his chest. The pain was unbearable and he couldn't breath. Like something knocked him in the stomach. So he gasped for air and cough like hell, hoping he would catch some air.

Bucky rushed to help and held Steve, trying to calm him down. And he did. His embrace calmed Steve.

-

After Bucky left, Steve was worse than ever. He was constantly sick and had no one to take care of him. Few years passed and he was all alone. He hasn't found a dame to marry because he never really went out. And he didn't like women, he liked men. More precisely, one man. Bucky Barnes.

Finally, one day his doctor suggested him going to Washington to see a specialist on heart diseases because his suffering has gotten worse by day. He managed to save up some money, sold few things and left for Washington.

Although he was tired and lost, he got himself on the train to that hospital but felt so sick that his sight blurred and he felt like he was falling.

People on train called for help and emergency was rushing him to hospital. He was aware of everything but completely unable to move or talk. Steve just felt that they were driving really fast and his heart wouldn't stop beating so damn fast.

He saw doctor's faces while they were pushing the bed he was on. Steve was afraid, completely terrified of everything. When he saw familiar face upon him, he though he was dead. There's no way he would be seeing Bucky Barnes if he were conscious. But ihe indeed has seen a glimpse of Bucky Barnes in a doctor uniform, looking more terrified than Steve had ever seen him. He was yelling at then looking down on Steve, and then yelling into distance again. Steve didn't hear what he yelled, but he felt gentle hand stroking his blonde hair before he passed out.

When Steve woke, he saw his friend sitting in a chair beside his bed. He smiled. 

As soon as he remembered what happened, he sat straight up and opened his mouth in shock.

This drove Bucky's attention and he stood up and made his way to Steve's bed.

"You're up, punk. Ypu scared the shit out of me earlier." Bucky could do nothing but smile while he looked at Steve Rogers. Although he was pale and sick, he was there 

"You didn't call nor write for too long, Buck." Steve sadly stated. "I miss my best friend." He shrugged.

Bucky's smile faded away and he bit his lip. "You know, you are the reason I'm a doctor?" He chuckled. "You are possibly the best person I've ever came across in my life. I never wanted to make you sad, Steve. Never. I swear, I missed you even more."

Steve put every effor to not believe him but he did. Somehow, after everything they've been through and all the time they had spent apart, he believed.

Bucky's voice was shaking now. "I could've became doctor in Brooklyn but I left because.." His eyes very fast filled with tears. "I..." He bit his bottom lip. "I wanted something and I could have never done that to you." His voice raised. "Not to you, punk."

Steve felt overwhelmed by Bucky's words. He hoped he'd say that, in a corner of his mind, he hoped but he wouldn't let himself hope again.

"I was in love with you." They both glanced at each other. "I still am." He looked right back at Steve. "I'm sorry for feeling that, Stevie. So sorry. Men can't feel that towards each other, right?" Something sparked in Bucky's blue eyes.

"I felt that." Steve smiled. He tried to stand up, but couldn't so Bucky approached his bed and sat next to him.

Two men grinned at each other as Bucky put his arm on Steve's warm cheek. 

"You're beautiful, Stevie." They chuckled. "I just want to..."

Before Bucky could finish, they both locked their lips and kissed. They kissed like there won't be tomorrow. They were both too desperate for this kiss for too long to stop now. Steve reached for Bucky's shirt and pulled him closer.

Bucky's fingers were gently stroking Steve's cheeks. He felt warm tears on his palm coming from his friend's eyes so he kissed him even more passionately.

This was real. And this was fine. There can't be anything wrong in the love they felt. How can anything ever be wrong with love? Who cares towards whom you feel it?

t

Steve's heart monitors went loud and they pulled apart. His weak heart raced like hell and Bucky smiled at him. He thought it was because he got too excited. And it was. But there was more to it than just happiness. His heart was too weak to beat for much more.

Steve grinned back and whispered "I love you" because he knew.

Bucky was happy and it was all that mattered. After Steve's heart calmed down, they talked about everything that has happened over the time. It was mostly Bucky who talked.

He was a great doctor, much respected. He never lost any patient in his carrer and that made him stand out above others in his generation. Steve felt proud of Bucky's achievements. He couldn't stop grinning.

After hours of talking about the way their lifes played out, Bucky lied next to Steve and held him tightly.

-

Next morning, when Steve woke up, bed was empty. He knew he hasn't deamed. But what if he has?

His heart monitor was being loud again as he felt calmer than ever. He though about last night and smiled.

Bucky ran into Steve's room to find him unconscious. He rushed to his bed and tried to wake him up with shaking his shoulders. Fuck, he is a doctor. He can do better.

He tried with adrenaline and still nothing. Steve's bare chest rose up, but heart monitor showed nothing but a flat line.

No! There is no way Bucky loses his first patient this way. Not Steve. Not now. Not ever. Not like this.

Just one more kiss, hug, dumb comment, anything.

Bucky was crying and he tried with more and more adrenaline until his sight was too blurry and his arms too weak.

"Steve, please..." He begged. "Please, Stevie. C'mon." He burried his face into Steve's tiny chest and embraced his small body into his arms. "This can't be the end of the line." 

But it was.


End file.
